maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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