Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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