He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
