The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it's like iHOP with fire
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
