I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
