Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
