i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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