I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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