TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
