Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
