We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
