Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize