I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
