mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
