I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
