I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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