Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
