He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
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Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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