we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
