i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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