I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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