he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
