the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
