take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
