I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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