everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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