How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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