Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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