I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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