my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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