fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
