I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize