I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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