Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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