I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
