Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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