I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
