can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
