3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
