I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
