its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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