'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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