Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
