omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
