we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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