I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
