Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
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I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
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Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
how does that bad decision feel?
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