haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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