I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
