That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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