Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
4 words: hood of his car
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
