I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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