Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
