Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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