wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
