are you still at the devil's house?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
