Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
