I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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