yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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