Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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