Your mouth is God's brothel.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
