worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
