Only a mothe r could love this liver
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
