I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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